heartbreaking tragedies..

It's been a little over a month since I've last jotted down my thoughts. So much has happened within this last month and words cannot even fathom the way I feel. I am not sure if I'm sinking back into this hole of anxiety and depression or am I just crazy in general? Me and the dude from Vietnam broke it off after so many trials of neglection I've been put through. I don't know if I should call it neglection or not but let's just say he fell out of love with me while I fell in love with him. What a freaking joke that was. I have mentioned before that I sensed a vibe from him that I was no longer important and I was absolutely correct. A woman's intuition never fails. I couldn't take it anymore so I broke it off with him and asked him to be completely honest with me as of why he was acting the way he was towards me. He told me he didn't feel the same way he did in the beginning anymore and part of it is my fault. He said I created the distance between us by pushing him away and making him suppress his feelings for me. In the beginning, I did want a bit of distance because we were so clingy and rushing into things when we should take it slow. I had to push him away so we wouldn't be so infatuated and think things through. No matter what I said or did he still didn't stop expressing to me exclusively up until after Christmas. His work place was pressuring him into stress and he had to work late hours. Then eventually he became to busy for me. Funny that when I was reaching my point of really taking us serious he began to see us as nothing. As days went by the neglection became more intense and our distance turned into just more than a physical distance. It reached a point where I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore. I started drinking again and drowned myself into a happy state of mind created by the alcohol. I felt the depression hitting me hard but I did nothing to stop it. I just let it sink in all the way to my heart. Not only did he want us to stop the relationship but he also wanted us to stay friends. In the beginning I was truly against this but now that my feelings have died some, I stopped caring. I realized I was over this heartbreak when my uncle had a big incident on February 16th. I picked my mom and my uncle up from the airport because they were coming back from Vietnam on the 15th. When my uncle came back he mumbled under his breath that he had to go back to work. I thought he was joking but he really went. He never came home that night and I kept asking my mom to check on him. She said he was probably at work and went to the sauna right after. He does it so often so we didn't think anything would go wrong. The next night he didn't come home either. My mom was afraid something might've happened to him so she drove 40 mins to our batting range to check on him. When she got there, the place was pitch black except for the restroom light that was left on. She saw his car so she knew he had to be there so she looked around the place. She saw him laying on the concrete where the batting cage was. She didn't have the keys so she had to find a way to get in. She finally got inside and found him laying on the cold ground unconscious with his pants nailed to the concrete. His tools were all over the place. She quickly called the cops and we figured that he was robbed and nailed to the ground. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital right away. They then concluded that he had a stroke and one of his vessels busted and caused hemorrhage in the back of his brain. He also had a giant blood clot in his brain so they had to do an emergency surgery to get it out. They told us that he may be paralyze on his left side since they didn't see any response from him on that side. The surgery went well and he is now recovering. They moved him to a regular room yesterday after being in the ICU for 2 weeks. My sister said he finally spoke. He talked to her about his bills and bank stuff. He is doing a lot better than we expected and that's just wonderful. Although he is not blood related to us, we always seen him as a father/uncle figure. He took care of us since we were babies. He has no wife, no children, and no immediate family here in the US. We are all he has and we'll always be here to help him when he needs us. That first week of the incident hit me harder than I thought it would. At the time my uncle was in the hospital, I received news that my friend passed away from skin cancer. He took on a long journey fighting off the cancer but it eventually took him. I kept telling myself to be strong because if not I will fall ill from all the worries and stress. I have been overly stressed and I don't know how to handle it. I even went to see a fortune teller to see my fortune. I wanted to be assured that my uncle was going to be okay. Everything she said is so accurate, it's scary. She told me my personality which really freaked me out because I don't look like how my personality would portray me. I'm always acting happy and stress-free in front of everyone but I am just the opposite. I'm a sensitive person and I take every emotion felt to heart. I let my emotions eat me up in one bite and I have lost fighting control of it. She told me many things but I will write about it next time. I guess now I have to take it one step at a time..