Too much going on..

        It's been a really long time since I've last updated this blog. I've been very sick lately. I haven't really been to work in a month. It started out with my ankle being swollen and then my left pelvic area kept hurting. Went to the doctors for weeks now. My results shows that I have a hemorrhagic cyst on my left ovary. I have to wait 10 more weeks to do another ultrasound to see if it will go away on it's own or if it's a more complicated problem. The pain has been more constant these days and I feel awful. I'm super pale with no energy. I currently have 6 canker sores in my mouth and some are on my tongue making it so so difficult to eat or drink anything. I had to go to the ER on Thanksgiving night due to pain all over my abdomen. This was prior getting the results for my ultrasound. They diagnosed me with a UTI and really bad reflux problem which I didn't think was reflux at all. I'm feel like a dead person right now, no energy for anything.
        Since I've been sick lately I barely want to talk to anyone and just want to cut ties with those who should've been out of my life way long ago. For example, D. I told him to call me to talk and when he did I told him I wish I could erase him out of my life so cutting ties with him is as close as it gets. He didn't take it very well until the end of the conversation. I had to tell him some  details of how heartbroken and depressed I was from all of his shit for him to understand. He kept turning it around saying that he was confused of his feelings for me and that for me to be able to forget him he had to disappear without saying anything. What an asshole. Just like my ex he is one selfish prick. All they ever do is think about themselves and how they feel. Never once did they ever ask me how I felt or if I was okay. D couldn't even be there for me as a "FRIEND" after my dad passed away because the was so busy running away from me. All I've ever been to him was the "friend" he could talk to about is problems, stresses, and worries. But not once was he that person for me to go to. I'm more disappointed in myself than anything to keep a person like that in my life for such a long time when he's done shit for me.
         I bought everyone's gifts already. We have family coming over from CA with their kids on Christmas. I bought all of my siblings gifts already and told everyone to buy each other gifts to open as a family not when we go to my cousins house on Christmas. They all made a big deal out of it and it just brings me to tears because I alway try so hard and it always backfires on me. When I don't want to participate they get angry because I don't want to be a part of anything. When I do participate and try to bring us all together from one hell of a bumpy road we had this year, nobody agrees to it. I quit. I can't please the world let alone my own family members. I am so sick and so tired of being that one little girl who always do things for others and always get the shit end of the stick. When people need help I'm always 100% there for them no matter what but I feel like it never reciprocates when I need them the most. I am just going to keep to myself and do me from now on. There's only so much on my plate that I can handle at a time. When will I ever get to breathe and stop stressing..