Think about you everyday..

I always wait for awhile to jot down my thoughts nowadays. I really need to catch up. My sister had her baby for 3 weeks now. Baby Blake is now part of the family. He's adorable and looks a lot like my Dad. Speaking of my Dad..next week will be his memorial week. I can't believe two years have passed already. I still feel like it was just yesterday that he was still here with us. I miss him so much. A lot more than I have been showing it but who would know or care anyway? I would do anything just to hear his voice or to see his face right now. I spent the last two years grieving over him in my own way. I pushed all of my feelings to the side and only show people my happy sad but every now and then I'll slip so emotions. I've been trying to avoid thoughts and memories of my Dad because even until now I still can't take it. I can't and probably won't stop grieving. I've been trying my best to let go of all the pain but every now and then it comes back to me and it hits me hard. Everytime I think of him tears automatically runs down my face. I can't help it. I miss him more than words can say. I all of a sudden lost all of the urge to go somewhere or do something. I just wanna stay home and cry my eyes out until I'm all out of tears. Why does it hurt so much?