Catching up.

I've been holding back from writing how I feel for two months now and it seems like it's been forever. My mom is still in Vietnam and she won't be returning until two more weeks. My sister is going to give birth in two weeks as well. Baby Blake is on his way. For some reason I feel like this baby is going to be really close to me. Just a feeling though. Vietnamese new year was a few weeks ago and I decided to start my first day by going to the temple. This year is the year of the goat which is my year because I was born on the year of the goat. Grandma said this is my last year of bad luck so I'd have to hang in there. I honestly don't know what else could be worse than what I've already been through for all these years. One thing I know for sure is each struggle made me become who I am and it made me stronger than I thought I could ever be. The only thing is each time it would take a part of me with it. I just wish this year could be better and everyone could live peacefully and happily. 

       

I've decided to take some time off of school next semester or even the next school year. I haven't really been focused and I'm overloaded with stress and worries. I feel like I'm overwhelmed with everything and it's not taking me anywhere in life. Not anywhere I want to be at least. I don't know what I want to do. I've been going to school and wasting my time and I still don't know what I like or want to do with my life. I'm so lost and confused. I just need a break to figure it out and to start working harder to achieve all of my financial goals. I'm not quitting college and I know once you take a break it's hard to get back on your feet but I'm determined to be finish with school. Just not now, I guess. My brain needs a break before I go bald with all this thinking and worrying.

I'm planning to go to Vietnam in the summer of 2016. I really need to go back to see my real Grandma because she misses me and she's getting old. Mom told me that she's getting weaker and she might not live that long so I should go visit her while I still can. I hope she's happy and healthy so I can go visit her. She's my only living biological grandparent that I have left. I don't know if I can take it when she's no longer here with us..

I'm hoping to be able to go to either Thailand or Hong Kong while I make my trip over to Vietnam. I want to explore other places and just have fun. I love to travel and I feel like if it weren't for school and financial matters, I'd be all over the place. I'm actually considering teaching English overseas but I'm not sure if I can go far away from home for long. I'll get homesick and most importantly I'll miss my family, friends, and dogs. Still debating on it though. 

So "D" recently messaged me again on Facebook and asked me what can he do to get a new "start over" with me. He's out of his mind. I'm done giving people chances to break my heart. I'm done giving people chances period! I'm sick of all the pain people have caused me and all of the pain in general. I don't want to hurt anymore and I won't. I'll make sure of that.