Summertime sadness..

I know it's been a bit since I've been on here. So much has happened and there are still many more things yet to come. First thing first, I finally met my close friend after 10 years of being friends. I've never met him in person before and he came down to Atlanta to meet me. He's a great guy and I'm so happy that he's part of my life even after all these years. The only thing is..I sense his feelings towards me and I can honestly say I don't feel the same way. I rejected him once before we met. I was always afraid of meeting him because I am the type he would like and I don't want to be. I just want to be friends, close friends like how we've been for the past 10 years. I don't want to lose this or him. He is the closest thing I have to a best friend. Hopefully I'm wrong but my guts telling me that he does like me through his actions and words. What to do?...

The next exciting thing in my life is that I'm going on three trips this summer. I'm going to PCB on June 22-26, LA for a wedding on July 16-23, and NYC/Atlantic City/Boston on August 13-19. I am super excited about each trip mainly because I'm going with three different group for each trip and I get to spend quality time with everyone.

I've been exercising and eating right lately. I'm trying to lose weight and I am so motivated nothing can stop me. I've been drinking less and eating out less. I've been working super hard though. I'm working 6 days a week and I've finally paid off my dog's debt. Time to save for my trips. I'm super exhausted though. I crashed the other day because of overworking and lack of sleep. I need my vacation now!!

It seems like all the pieces are putting itself together but why do I still feel so empty inside? I miss my Dad. I wish he was here to see how much I've grown since he passed. I wish he was here for me to hold his hand so that I could know that know matter what goes on he'll always be there for me. I miss hearing his voice and all of his hilarious jokes. If only I could turn back the hands of time. If only I could see his face once more.. I'm not sure where I'm headed in life anymore. I'm just living day by day in hopes that I will reach my destination safe and sound. Summer is my favorite season. It's supposed to be my happiest season but why do I feel so sad?..