life continues on..

When I got back to America I FB messaged him and told him. The first thing he said to me was that he missed me. He said when left he began to miss me a lot. He wondered if he's..me. The dots probably means like like me. We've been talking everyday since I came back. Lately we've been talking less though. School's back and for labor day weekend I went to Destin with the fam. We had a wonderful vacation. Now I'm back in school mode. When I came back from Vietnam I had a lot to think about. I realized I wanted to change my major. I didn't know to what though. Now I know. I want to be able to travel around the world and help people but I don't want to go into the medical field. So I'm thinking about going into Art Therapy. Still figuring things out. Grandma told me to take everything slow because it's my first bad year and it's the worst. I'm planning on participating in a volunteer program to go to a country to teach English for 6 months to 1 year. I think I'm going to go to Vietnam with a close family friend. I can't wait to help others.

Today is exactly 5 months from when my dad passed. With each day I miss him more. Read all the blogs I wrote about him and tears are just falling left to right. I wish he was still here. I wish he could've gone to Destin with us. He's never been. We were supposed to go to the beach as a family when he was sick..but now it's too late..I know I shouldn't be crying anymore but I can't. I can't stop thinking about him. I know he's in a better place watching over all of us. 

I've been looking at things more positively and more optimistically. I want to change my life. I want to be able to do what I love and love what I do. Been feeling a little sick lately. Headaches coming and going. Talked to my godsister the other day. She asked me about D so I told her everything. Well everything except for my intimacy with him. She told me that he told her the reason why he didn't want to move forward with me is because of the distance and he couldn't handle the pressure because I was depressed over my Dad. He said he wanted to physically be here for me when I'm hurt but he won't be able to. This was before he went to VN and fell in love. You don't hurt people you care for especially when they were already hurt. Plus he could've moved here because he's only 5 hours away and he has family here. It's fine now though because I'm done crying and hurting over him. We were never meant to be. The differences between us got bigger than we ever realized it to be.now I believe everything happens for a reason. I just want to be happy now. Live and love and enjoy my life.