It's been a month since I've expressed my feelings on here. So much has happened in the past month. All I've been doing is drinking, partying, karaoke-ing, and hanging out with my god sister and everyone else whom I've grown close too. Every now and then I still think about him and it still hurts me yet I don't understand why. I know it'll never be but I just can't let it go completely. I don't hate him because hate is such a strong word but I hate what he's done to me..I saw him the other day for the first time ever since his birthday. It still hits me hard when I think about how close we were and how much we used to talk and ever since I told him my true feelings, we're even more like strangers now. So I saw him at my god sister's house when I came over there to hang out. I talked to him as in "hey" but nothing more than that really. So he came out of nowhere and asked what I've been up to lately and I just answered normally like how I usually do to everyone. That was kind of it though. I didn't speak to him much because a part of me is still deeply hurt and the other part of me doesn't want to speak to him for what he's done. All of a sudden my god sister asked him what happened to his neck in a sarcastic way so I started to look at his neck. He had hickeys all over his neck. This nearly made me cry but I didn't. I looked away and acted like I didn't care. Funny thing is he's the one who told me that he didn't want to see or talk to anyone because he thinks he's done with relationships and love. So what are all the hickeys about? That night when I drove home I cried so hard. It feels like I've been holding it in so long that I had to let it out somehow or I'll probably breakdown somewhere at any time. Crazy how people can hurt you so easily although they say they won't. I don't know what to think or feel anymore. I just want to meet someone else who is right for me and who can treat me right so I can forget about this asshole. I can't take in anymore pain.
Besides being all depressed over him still, I am still very down from my Dad's loss. I miss him so very much. This Friday is his 100th day memorial..I am going to Vietnam this Sunday. I need to get away from here. It's way too depressing...I can't do this...='(
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