love is selfless..

I talked to him today and he told me that it's officially over between him and her. He knows she doesn't love him or want to continue on with this so they both agreed to let go. I know he still loves her though. I can hear the pain in his voice. He's depress and knowing this makes me even more depress. I tried to hold back my unhappiness though and tried to talk to him. I didn't want him to feel worse than what he was already feeling by revealing my emotions and pain to him. I asked him what his definition of love is and so he told me. He said that it's when you miss the other person like crazy, you can't stop thinking about them, and in your mind you keep remembering all of the memories you had with them. He's absolutely right. That is part of what love is but then again love has no right or wrong definitions, only each person's perspective and analysis of it. Then I asked him if he wanted to know my definition of love. He answered "yes." I told him that my definition of love is when you start off as someone selfish who used to always think about or for their self and maybe sometimes for a friend or family member but slowly become selfless. When you're in love it changes you into a person who is selfless. It's love when you are putting the happiness of the one you love before your own happiness. Love is when you'd do anything to see them happy even if it means bringing pain upon yourself. When you're in love you give out endlessly. You'd sacrifice your own happiness just to see them happy and healthy. That's what love is in my eyes. He told me that what I said was attractive..? It's the truth though. That's what love is to me. Then he was telling me how stupid and foolish he feels and I can't help but to think to myself that I am even more stupid and foolish than he is. I told him that love makes us all blind so we don't always get to control the way things go. It's mainly the heart that's controlling us because the mind is so much clearer than that. We shouldn't regret it though because from every experience when go through or everytime we are in pain, we learn from our mistakes.
            He called me back to talk for a bit before he went to bed. He told me he just came home from grabbing a few drinks. I asked him how he felt but all his said was numb. At first when I picked up the phone he thought I was crying. I could hear it in his voice that he cared and worried. I wasn't though because I had just finish washing my face and water got in my nose. He made me promise that I wasn't crying. He said he doesn't like to talk to people when they are sad or crying even though he talks to people when he's in those conditions. He knows it's weird but he just don't know what to say or how to help people in conditions like those. So I asked him if I was crying just then would he have just left me there alone? He answered "no" and that he'd stay to listen and to try to make me feel better. Hearing his voice and having conversations like this makes me feel a bit better inside but everytime I'm off the phone or stop talking to him the aching and throbbing comes back more intense each time. I know that he loves her and that's not going to change. He will never love me and right now I'm not asking him to. I just want to be there to comfort him and listen to him when he's at his weakest. I know he's struggling because he's never fallen in love before. I will not be selfish and try to jump in and force anything to spark. I want to be there for him even if it kills me to hear or feel the pain he's going through. I know that if I stick around and talk to him and calm him down, he will feel a lot better. He's moving back to the city sometimes next week. Hopefully, my heart doesn't make me break down in front of him if we ever hang out. He asked me if I believe in karma. I laughed and told him that I'm Buddhist and our religion is mainly about karma, enlightenment, and reincarnation. He said the he knows that what he's going through is karma from him doing bad things and he thinks he deserves it. I didn't want him to think like that so I replied saying that everyone has karma. We all have sins and karma catches up to us sooner or later. I told him that besides karma we also believe in repention. We may do things that are sinful and karma catches up to us but as long we do good things to make up for it we wouldn't have to worry. If we let karma get the best of us, we'll just be sitting there feeling crappy about our lives. If we don't pick ourselves up and try to make things right and do good things, then we will never be able to change who we are and we'll just create more sins and have more karma. He told me that I was a good teacher. Again, I laughed and asked him why he thinks that. He told me that I sound smart and I know so much. Really, this is the philosophy I believed in since I was a kid. Nobody taught it to me, I kind of had it in my head growing up. I hope he feels better than before. That's all I care about right now. It's crazy how someone can make your heart feel happy but sad at the same time. I'm happy to be able to talk to him again but I'm just so sad to know that he's hurt because of a girl he loves but doesn't love him. I wish he could pull through this because I am being my strongest to pull through it with him. If only he knew how much it hurts to see him this way..If only he knew how deep my love for him is..='(