inevitable pain...

I can't escape my thoughts or this pain. It's literally taking over me. It's affecting my studies and my life period. I can't breathe right anymore because every breathe comes with a sharp pain in my heart. I feel so confused by him. One minute he wants me to be a part of his life and to be there for him when he's at his weakest and the next he ignores me when I try to reach out for him. Has he ever taken a second to think about what he's doing to me? I am always willing to give up and give out everything to be there for him even when it breaks me into billion of pieces. When it's my turn to fall apart, I'm always here alone. I guess this is why they say "People with the biggest hearts, suffers the most." I'm still unable to eat much. Everything tastes the same and I just simply don't want it. I usually drink black milk teas with tapioca everyday but now even that has died out for me. I'm so unhappy, stressed, and just purely depressed. I'm so depress and hurt that sometimes I don't even want to open my mouth to speak to anyone. So I put on a smile and act like nothing's wrong and everything is perfectly fine. It's so hard to physically do the opposite of what your heart feels. I thought he realized how much he's hurt me already. He still doesn't now that I love him and that no matter how many times he breaks my heart into pieces I still have the tendency to love him with every little piece. My friends are telling me to move on but I simply can't. There's something about him and this love I feel for him. It's making it so impossible to let go. Even before, it was hard to let go so how would it be any easier now? I don't feel like doing anything or going anywhere anymore. I just want to lay in bed and cry until all the pain goes away. I feel like it's just getting worse everyday and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Nothing....='(