if only he knew..

I don't know for sure what's going on with him because he disappeared on me for two days. Last night I had a couple drinks with my friends and finally messaged him and told him that he's such a jerk to me. He replied and said the he was sorry and that he's been busy. After another drink, I replied saying that it was ok because I'm just another stupid person anyway and bye. I don't know when and why I said that. He told me not to feel or think that way. Now that I'm clear minded I know why I said that. I'm stupid because I've fallen for someone who doesn't love me and abandoned me through my darkest moments. Then he comes back in my life to tell me that he has fallen for another girl and that he didn't know who else to talk to but me. I'm stupid for hurting because he's hurting but the stupidest part of it all is that I love him too much. Love not only blinds you but it stupefies you too. If only he knew how much it hurts when he ignores me or doesn't reply to me. If only he knew my love for him. If only he knew that I've been here waiting for him like a fool. If only he knew what a fool I am for him. He's moving here soon and a part of me is happy but a part of me is so sad. The pain hasn't gotten any better only worse. Each day it numbs me a little. I wish I was a vampire then I'd have the option of turning off my humanity. I miss him so much but I know he's not even thinking about me. I asked him to call me but he said he couldn't and then he went missing again..Why is it that I find myself thinking and missing him every hour of the day? I don't want this pain. It hurts so much. I don't know how much longer until I completely stop feeling..:'(