I finally broke down........

I couldn't hold it anymore. I miss him so much. I hate the fact that I'm just another person to him. I used to look at our texts and conversations over and over again but now I'm afraid to even open them. I afraid I won't be able to handle it. I looked at the pictures of us in NY back in August. So much has changed since then. We went from strangers to people who had something for one another and back to strangers. The only problem is I fell in love with him along the way. What hurts the most is I might not even be a thought to him anymore. I really wish things would go back to the way they used to be but I know deep down in my heart that it can never be restored. Every day that passes by only makes my wound get bigger and deeper. I keep hoping that he'd find a way to talk to me again but he doesn't. I see him online but I don't dare to start a conversation with him because I know I'd bother him. It seems like I've been bugging him ever since he decided to stop everything with me.. It breaks my heart to recall every moment and second spent with him. I feel like it's just a dream and everything was all my imagination. Sometimes I question myself as to why I am still holding on when he's obviously let go a long time ago. Why am I still crying and hurting over him? How could he treat me like that? Why come into my life and hurt me and then just walk away like it's nothing? I'm suffering depression. I admit it now. I am more than depressed I am almost to the point of numbing. I can't stop crying..it hurts...:'(