Running and hiding..

Lately I've been running from my problems or shall I say hiding? I don't want to deal with anything heartbreaking right now but sometimes problems and feelings are just so unavoidable. Truth is, I miss him. I hate that I do but I can't help myself. Everywhere I go I am constantly reminded of him and the memories we used to share. Why him? I'd like to know the answer for myself. It sucks even worse now because I'm sick. I've been sick since yesterday and I just feel so dizzy and tired.

          My parents just bought a nail salon close by to home recently and I've been out there almost everyday. I have so many things to do and finish but yet he still finds room to run around in my head. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I'm stressed out and I am the biggest insomniac I know. Sleep is like a joke to my body. At night I am unable to fall asleep 'til 3 or 4 am and in the morning I wake up around 8 or 9. No matter how tired I get, I can never sleep good like everyone else. 

          My dad is getting better now. He weighs 93 lbs, which is one more from what he was when he was first diagnosed. He was in the 70s before that. It brings me to tears seeing how much he's changed since last year and how much better he;s been doing. He's currently taking a break from chemo so he's eating a lot better. He says he doesn't want to do chemo anymore because he causes him to lose appetite. My sister and I are very sad to hear that because without chemo, his body is unable to fight the cancer on it's own..I really wish they'd find a cure already because I'm not ready. I'll never be ready for anything. 

         Sometimes I feel as if my life is like a movie. There's always one thing after another. The only difference is my story has yet to end and it's still got a long way. I think I'm beginning to lose it. I feel so ill right now to even write more about my problems. Time to lay down and hide from my problems again before I doze off from medication.