sighs..

Life's been okay as usual. I'm still trying to deal with it. So many things are going wrong at once and there are times where I'm not sure if I can deal with it. My dad's getting better though. He's eating better too. I'm more than happy to see how much better he's doing. I feel like no matter how happy my outer appearance seem to show, I'm still so unhappy inside. After all this time, I still miss him. I know it's not worth it and I know he no longer wants to talk to me but I truly do miss him. I always end up thinking about him every now and then. Memories would fly by in my mind like a short video clip that's been rewinded and played over and over again. I hate how he treated me and how he's treating me now. I wish things didn't happen between us because now all I'm left with are sorrow memories of the past. When will I get pass all of this and how? I feel like a person without a soul. Funny thing is a person is nothing without a soul but a corpse, lifeless and joyless. What could I possibly have been doing wrong?  I tried surrounding myself with happy, positive people. I tried thinking positive. I tried smiling and laughing and having fun. For some reason though I'm still down, sad, and lifeless. I don't know if I should lose faith or keep going anymore. Sighs..='(