Today I took my dad in for chemotherapy but when we got there to see the doctor first, we discovered his confusion and hallucinations worsened. So after chemo, we had to take him to the ER for an MRI scan of his brain to see if the mass in his brain has made any changes. He is low on red blood cells, platelets, and he's dehydrated. Before we went to the ER, I took him home first to meet up with the rest of the family. I broke out in tears taking him home because he forgot where our house was and he forgot a lot of things. He couldn't walk normal and he slurs we he talked. Seeing him like that made me nearly break down. I was so afraid that something is in his brain causing him to act this way. He is still in the ER and my sister and my mom is there with him for tonight. They are still waiting on the results of his MRI scan. We all are. I hope he gets better because I can't do this without him. I love my dad and I just can't handle it if something were to happen to him. Please, please let him be okay. He's a good person and he deserves to live longer to see his children succeed and to see his grandchildren grow up.
This morning when I checked my Facebook I saw that my guy replied to me saying "Then it's ok we'll leave this at that." I asked him if he was sure I wasn't a bother to him and he said that sometimes he doesn't want to talk to anyone. I texted his phone saying that I still want to be able to talk to him and that I was sorry for what I said before because I didn't know what to feel or how to feel. I've been really out of it because of my dad's issues. Then he text me back asking me what's going on and I told him that I was sitting with my dad while he was getting chemo done. He asked how my dad was doing and I told him not so great because he's been confused and weak and I feel so useless not being able to help. He texted back saying that I've done all I could so I shouldn't feel that way. So I replied saying that I know I shouldn't feel that way but it's so hard not to when I see my dad like that. So he goes on saying that I've spent my time being with my dad so I should cherish that. I told him that I am and I'm just glad my dad still remembers me and my family because he doesn't remember much of anything else. So he wrote me a long paragraph saying that I'm a really strong person and a loving daughter. My dad's lucky to have me to take care of him and he probably knows it too. He told me to stay strong for my dad and my little sister too and be by my dad's side so he can have that feel of comfort. I told him I was being the strongest I could be for my dad and my family. I thanked him for making me feel better. He replied saying, "No problem if anything I'm sorry." So I asked what he was sorry for and he said for not being the best friend he could be. I told him that it's ok because he's here for me now when I need it the most. So he goes on telling me to "just stay positive :)". I missed this. Us communicating like before. I know it's at a very rough time but at least he's trying to be here for me when I'm feeling my weakest. So I told him that I was being positive and went on asking about his life. He said everything is going well for the most part and that he's just getting everything together. So I asked if he was getting his paperworks done but he hasn't replied yet. It's ok though, I bet he's sleeping. I'm glad he came back into my life to support me because for just a second I almost couldn't take it anymore. We played and joke around with my dad in the hospital because he was seeing weird things and saying weird things but I know deep down everyone feel the pain. It hurts just that much seeing him like that. It's not normal for him to be that out of his normal state and it could be serious. I'm worried, more worried than ever. I really do need things to get better because no matter how strong one is they always have a weak point.. I can't stop crying now thinking about my dad. All I can do now is pray, pray, and pray..='(
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