It's getting harder..

I feel like it's getting harder to breathe. My dad finally got out of the hospital today and he's feeling a lot better than the other day. I love my dad. Grandma told us to prepare because she knows he isn't going to be here for long. I hate not knowing things but sometimes when I know everything..I can't handle it. I never want that day to come. I wish there was something I can do to stop the time. My supposed half brother is coming down to see my dad on the 20th. I don't even know why he bothered to drag his ass down here when he was missing in every event his whole life. Now that my dad's condition is getting worse he's coming?! He should've have moved here like we suggested in the first place. I hate him. He's hurt my dad for too long and I refuse to put him in my life. Grandma said we can't cry when dad parts us or shake his body. We have to keep it silent so that his soul can go up higher and higher to heaven. We can't hold him back with our tears. I don't want to talk about these stuff because I don't want it to happen. I've been crying every night and I'm so scared that that day is getting closer to us. I'm not ready for this or for anything. I just want my dad to be here with me to see me grow up, get married, and create grand kids for him. I'm worried about my mom too. I know she's trying so hard to be strong for all of us and so that we can stop worrying about her. I know deep down she's scared and hurt too. I don't want to break down in front of her because I know she will too. I miss those day when everything was okay and our family was so happy and carefree. Now it seems like we're near the end and everything is crumbling. I don't want to lose my dad. He's my superdad, my favorite person, I feel awful even thinking about this..='(