Right here waiting..

Last night I presented my installation project with my team mates at the GSU fountain. We made 100 origami boats and placed tealight candles in them. They were spiraling in the fountain and it was such a magical, serene view. I would love to do it again and actually get to make a wish instead of having to stand in the freezing water to put the boats in. When I got home last night, I missed him so much. My mind wouldn't clear off and he was all I could think of. In fact, he's all I can think of right now too. Sometimes I want to pick my phone up and text/call him but I know he wouldn't reply or pick up because he's back to invisibility. In my head, I keep seeing flashbacks from when we first met and whatever else went on with us. I feel so hopeless and helpless. I feel like no matter what I do things aren't going to ever change. I can't imagine how much more I'd have to go through to get over this.  I don't want to forget him or the beautiful memories we have created despite all the pain in between. I just want him. I know he doesn't want to be in a relationship but all I'm asking is to be like before. I feel so distant from him. He's slowly pushing me out of his life. I remember the days when we'd talk until late, when he'd text me good morning, when he'd tell me jokes, and when were happy together. It's so sad to remember all of these things and realize that we are not like that anymore. We're nothing like that and I don't think we'll ever be who we were when we were together again. I want to be strong but i feel like I'm getting closer and closer to rock bottom. I have no appetite, no joy or anything anymore. I just want to stay home and mope around. I feel sick. Sick to my guts. All I know is if he ever changes his mind, I'll be right here waiting..='(