Missing him..

Yesterday after he hung on the line with me, I texted him. He texted me back even though he was driving and we were just going back and forth. I missed talking and texting him like how we did before. I miss him so much. I miss all the fun, the jokes, the carelessness. Now everything seems so tense and serious. It's not what I want at all. I know he doesn't love me but a part of me tells me that he does have feelings for me though. Well "still" does. I know he still has feelings for me. I usually would've moved on by now but I can't with him. Everytime I'm about to let go slowly, he reaches out for me and I fall all over again. I feel like I'm stuck at square one and though my mind tells me to move, my legs won't let me. I know it's hopeless love but it's unrequited. I don't ask for his love in return. I just want to know that he's happy and I just want him to know that I'll always be here for him. Love is so powerful that it has open my eyes to things I've never known before. Love isn't about receiving but it's about giving unconditionally and willingly. I'm willing to give him my heart even though I know he's not giving me his. I don't want to give up on him. I know he still cares for me or he wouldn't talk to me still. It's been months since we actually saw each other but I'm  just glad that he's safe where ever he is. I know it's silly of me to think that way but I have such strong feelings for him and I don't even know why. What is it about him that makes me so attracted to him? It's 1 AM already, yet I'm still trying to sort out my thoughts. Sleep has been my worst enemy lately. I miss him so much and he's always on my mind. I've been smiling at the thought of his texts. I really wish we could transition out of this depressing stage. I don't want him to push his feelings away. I want to know how he feels for me but I don't want to know if that means pushing him away. I wish he was here right now so I could tell him how I really feel and how much I've missed him even though I probably barely cross his mind. I miss holding his hands, feeling his touch, kissing his lips, looking into his eyes, seeing him smile, sleeping in his arms, laying on his chest, hugging him close, and every thought that has to do with him. I miss him most out of everything. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up the next do just to find out that I was dreaming, nothing changed between us. I want us to talk like before and not be so distant like right now. It kills me to think of him but at the same time it's like a bitter sweet feeling. Time to head to bed. Hopefully I can dream of him since I can't physically have him here. No matter what happens between us, I'll always be missing him...