Hope..

I accidentally called him today right after I got out of class. He didn't pick up and I didn't realize I called him until I looked at my phone. He texted me at 10 something and said, "Hey sorry I was driving to Atlanta." I texted him back and said hey and asked what he was doing. All he said back was "lol bout to go to sleep". Then I asked him is what he was in town for but still didn't get a reply yet. I miss him so much. I'm afraid that if I run into him I'd crumble into pieces. I don't know how to handle myself if I run into him or if he wants to hang out with me again. I know he only wants to be friends with me and I know we have a distance between us because of where we live, but I don't want to be just a friend to him. I'm not asking him to make me his girlfriend, I just want him to see me as someone to him rather than an ordinary friend. It's hard to try to be friends with a person you have such strong feelings for. I wish things didn't turn out this way. I wish he'd stop seeing me as just a friend or another person to mess around with. I know he has feelings for me. It's a hunch I'm getting and it's got to be true. The thought of him being here in Atlanta makes me so happy but yet very sad. What if I won't get to see him but then what if I do? I don't know if I'm ready for this sudden appearance. I'm scared. I can feel my heart aching again. I want to see him though. I want to hold him, kiss him, tell him I miss him, tell him not to treat me this way, tell him I love him even though he'd never love me back, and tell him not to neglect me anymore because the pain is so excruciating I can barely survive it. I feel like there's little hope for us but then again I am not the judge of that. I wonder if he'll ever love me...