wounded everywhere..

It's been three weeks since I've heard from him. I guess it really is over between us. What did we have between us though? I feel like my heart's been ripped into million of pieces when I just recently fixed it. I don't understand him. I thought I knew him a bit more than this but I guess I'm wrong. He's right about me staying away from him. I played with fire and this time the burn has left me scars I can't remove. I'm not sure if it will ever heal to perfection but for right now it hurts more than I can imagine. I rather hear from him about how he's not feeling it anymore or he just doesn't want to talk to me like that anymore instead of leaving without a single goodbye or word. I know he ignores my text and calls or probably not ignore but neglect it. I bet he reads and check everything but just doesn't care for it like he once did. It's sad when you become strangers with someone you were once close to. It's sad that I used to mean something to him and now I'm just a small section of his past. Why do I have to care so much for this guy? If fate wanted us to meet then why do we have to walk different paths already. I'm so tired of falling in love with all these people when no one truly loves me the way I need them to. I'm so afraid to fall for anyone else. I don't want my heart to heal. I want it as broken as it can be so that I can never fall in love with another and they will never have the chance to break it. I don't want to have anyone enter my life, make me happy, lead me on, sleep with me, tell me they don't want me, talk to me like they care, and then leave without a goodbye. It all hurts with an uncomfortable passion. I want it to end but maybe this pain will help me learn my lesson. I'm so tired of crying over and over again..='( I never want to feel this again. How many times does my heart have to break for me to find someone who actually knows how to hold and cherish it? Sometimes I wish I was heartless so I don't have to feel.
          I've been crying myself to sleep every night. I don't want to cry. I've been avoiding all the pain he's given me but when it hits me..it hits me hard. I don't know how much more I can handle. I'm running out of tears..