Unwanted tears..

I don't understand why he still crosses my mind all the time when I know he doesn't want me. Lately, I've been freaking out about being pregnant because it's been 8 weeks and I feel really bloated. I really hope I'm not pregnant because the last thing I need aside from all this pain is a baby. I love babies and children but I'm not ready to have one until I graduate, get a job, and get married. I want to be sure that the father of the baby will be there for me and love me. He doesn't love me. In fact, he doesn't want me so I'm scared to have a baby by myself. My parents would be so disappointed in me and they would be furious. I don't have the ability to raise a child, I'm broke. I can't even go anywhere because I'm so broke right now. I  don't know why I keep thinking about him and tears will just stream nonstop. I'm tired of crying I don't want to cry. Thinking about how everything is now only a memory makes me so sad. I have to respect his decisions. I don't hate him or think of him as an asshole or anything. I just want to at least get to hear his voice or see his texts every now and then. I want to still be a friend of his and be there for him even if it kills me. Nothing could hurt more than him ignoring me, neglecting me, and not wanting to talk to me at all.. I miss him so much...='(