He finally texted me back 2 hours ago. I feel like I've just lost everything within me.
This is his reply:
Hey Jamie I'm sorry I've been neglecting you and hurted u but idk how to tell u how I feel like we should just be friends nothing more. I didn't mean to lead u on before and my guilt was eating me up from the inside. U might not see me as the same person but its ok. I just want us to come to an understanding.
My reply:
..it doesn't matter what kind of person I see you as cuz I'm just another person to you neways...thanks for clarifying with me...
What else was I suppose to say? That I love him and I can't let go but I don't want to force anything between us? I can hear my heart shattering into pieces like a glass that has been smashed hard. I don't know what more to say or do. I'm so lost. So everything that happened between us can be let go easily by him. For me, I'm seeing it in my head everyday and it's starting to become my worst nightmare. I wish we never met. I wish nothing ever happened. I wish NY never happened. I trusted him wholely with no questions asked. He trusted me. I never intended to be in a relationship. I never wanted to hurt. Pain was avoidable but yet I'm here suffering. I know he's getting eaten up by his guilt. I know it. He felt something for me like I did him. The only difference is I didn't let fear get to my heart. I'd rather have nothing to start off with than to have something and lose it all at once. How could he be so cruel to my heart? He knew I was scared to be hurt. He tried to stay away but somehow fate brought us together. It's unfair how now it's bringing us apart. I'm speechless about us. I'm the only one feeling this pain and he's free from all his worries and pain because he just said what he needed. I wish life had a forward button so I can press it as hard as I can and skip all this pain and move on. How can I trust another person when all everyone want to do is hurt me? I'm sick of believing, falling in love, and getting hurt by these guys. I don't want this. I don't want any of it. I wish my heart dies off with this guy so no other can invade and break it again once it heals. I can't handle this right now. I'm having an emotional breakdown..I believed in him. I believed that we could've been. I believed...Why bring us together if we'll just end up walking different paths?...='(
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