Hellos are easy but goodbyes are hard..

Sometimes life gets so twisted but there's not much we can do but to wait for it to untangle itself. The hardest part in life to me is saying goodbye. Hellos are easy to do because that's the start of everything. Goodbyes are used only towards the ending so it's a bit more difficult. It really sucks when you sit back and reminisce about all the stages of relationships you've been through with someone whether it's family, friends, lovers, or even strangers. It all starts out with meeting. Meeting a person is the first step to every relationship. The second step later determines who they will be to you after getting to know them. That is if you decide to get to know them of course. The rest of the steps are based on each person and heir relationship status with others. The worst step to head towards is when it's time to say goodbye. Goodbyes could be short term as in temporarily or long term as in forever. 

            I have a co-worker who's dad is about to pass away and her family is in preparation mode for his departure. What's sad is he's been immobilized for 11 years and could only move his eyes. He's always been there to hear, feel, and see everything but not able to do the things he sees or hears. I know it's really hard to say goodbye to someone who has always been in your life ever since you were a baby. Also, when that person is your father. I don't know what to say to hear or how to make her feel better. All I know is that they should try to take it as light as they could because it may be his greatest escape from this twisted world. It's such a twist how some people who are blind or deaf can still move around but those who are immobilized can see and hear but cannot move. Suffrage has done it's course through these people's lives. What a world we live in and what a life we live.

            I took my dad out and about today to make him feel better instead of being locked up in the house all the time. I honestly hope he lives on because I am far from ready to say goodbye to him. My dad has lived a hard labored life. He's nothing but strong and motivated. He's gone from supporting all of his siblings back in Vietnam when his dad passed away to moving to America to work hard to support his wife and kids and now he's in a cancer battle fighting to live this life on. For a small person my dad has a big heart. I appreciate everything he's done to make sure mine and my siblings life are in good condition. I know at times we take our parents for granted but those were the days when we were young and foolish. Nowadays, I'd rather die than to hurt my parents.Other than saying goodbye to family members, there are friends or worse..your special someone.

            I haven't heard back from him ever since that last "goodbye" text I sent him yesterday. I guess it really is over..:(. I feel so out of it. I feel like a person with a body but no soul. I really wish things were like how they were in the beginning or when we were in NYC. I don't understand why he's the way he is and what I've done to deserve this "treatment" from him. All I wanted was to meet someone, get to know them more, fall in love, and live every moment like there's no tomorrow with them. This was not what I expected. It's far from my thoughts and dreams. I wish he'd consider my feelings more instead of  just his own. I know this is what I get for falling in love with someone who doesn't love me. It's killing me inside but I can't complain because I shouldn't have played with fire when I knew I could've hurt myself any day. I just rather not go through the pain at all. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him though. Why does he have to force me to go on this road. If only I could rewind time...