Depression..

I haven't heard from him in over two weeks..I feel so miserable. All I've been thinking about is him. What's worse is I've been dreaming of him every night. What's happening? What happened? How can things go good for a moment and now everything is completely over. I honestly don't know what I've done wrong to deserve this hurt. I only wanted to hear his voice or get a reply from him. I guess that was just too much to ask. I called him yesterday and he picked up and hung up. I don't know if it was intentional or not but I called back again so he knows I tried to contact him and ignored it. That pains me more than anything. Why begin anything with me if he's not ready for anything at all? I'm so sick of love and all the pain it brings. I'm so twisted inside. I want to hear from him and I want to be with him but I can't and he doesn't want me. I keep having to put up a show for everyone to see how happy I am but deep down inside I'm dying or so my heart is. I'm so depress. The fact that I'm an insomniac doesn't help either. I feel like my depression is intensifying everyday.. How can he be so heartless towards me? What did I do to make him hate me to the point where he has to ignore me completely? I rather him tell me straight up that all feelings are lost than to ignore me and torture my heart. Why let me meet someone and fall for them and then make us walk different paths?
      I don't know what's worse..the fact that he's ignoring me or the fact that I still miss him even after all this pain? I'm losing myself slowly. Why break my heart when I have no more space left for pain? I'm trying so hard to hold on to my sanity but it's so hard when reality is smacking me in the face left and right. I have no one to talk to about all of this. I choose not to tell anyone because truth is I don't want to drag anyone down with me. I know this is all my fault. I'm stupid. I was a fool. I let love get to me. I let him get to me. I let pain get to me. I'm always the strong one to everyone but even the strongest has their weak sides. I am only human. I have feelings and I get my heart broken too.
      I don't know what' wrong with me anymore. I feel like I'm underwater. I'm struggling to breathe but I feel like I've already been pulled down to deep to get back up. I miss him so much. Why is it so hard for me to move on? What is up with this guy? What makes him any different from everyone else? What do the people up there want from me and where do they want this relationship to go? All I feel is pain. I want to be numb but I guess I just haven't reached that point yet..I'm just making a fool of myself now. If he cared he wouldn't have been out for over two weeks..='(