Feeling really down today..

So I just texted him and told him I don't want to bother him anymore since he seems super tired and busy lately. I honestly don't want to text him a billion times a day while I receive 3 back and some of them are like less than a sentence long. I feel neglected and at this moment I feel awful. I hate feeling like this but there's nothing more or less I can do to make myself normal. He texted back and said it's not like that but it feels to me like I've been bothering him. On top of that, he's sick so I don't want him to worry about replying to me when he has ten billion things to worry about. Maybe I'm just thinking too much again but I'm sticking to my decision. 

         I'm afraid to get hurt right now. I can almost feel the pain coming towards my way. I'm scared to put in so much and to receive little back. I know I always do that and I always end up as the victim. What is it about him that makes me feel like this? We're not each other's anything. Why do I even feel neglected by him if we're not anything to each other? Why do I even freaking care?! Maybe what I need is to get my head out of the clouds and steer clear for a bit. I think I was serious about the whole falling in love thing. I wish he'd talk to me more though. I wish he'd tell me what's really on his mind and what he feels for me. I hate this curiosity crap. I'm never going to get answers from him until we see each other face to face. It feels like high school all over again but this time more serious. 

          Back in high school I usually talk to the guy for a week or so and then we'd tell each other our feelings and then he asks me out. We get in a relationship then I realize he's not the one and I break it off not feeling a single pain. Now I'm trying it differently by talking to the guy and trying to get to know him better. We're not in a relationship but we're dating as in going on dates to the movies and dinner. In NY he would hold my hand where ever we go and kiss the back of my hand. He'd kiss me when we're cuddled up in bed. I usually force him to talk to me about his feelings because if I don't he'd  ignore the topic somehow. One night, he told me 11 things that makes him like me so much. It was really sweet. When I told him to keep going he said he was sleepy and I should try again the next day. Silly right?! I think it's really sweet how he acknowledges all my personality traits. He sees me past my appearances and right through my heart. I'd rather have someone like/love me for me than for my outer appearance. Your outer beauty fades with time but it's your inner beauty that will last forever. I'm glad he's the way he is and I'm glad he's always honest with me. 

          So hopefully things will be better between us. I know for sure sleep will be a challenge for me tonight. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow and think this all through. As for right now, I feel miserable in so many ways. I just want to empty out my mind but that's not ever going to happen. :(